Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
