dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
