i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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