I'm really into asian looking animals
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
