so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
