You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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