I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
