i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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