splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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