the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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