is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
