Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
