I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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