Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
