Banned from zoo.
Again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
