omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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