I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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