one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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