I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
