Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
