Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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