Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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