I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
