Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
