So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
