Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
