i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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