YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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