I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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