you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
