my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
