i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
