and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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