So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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