wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
