my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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