omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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