Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
