half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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