did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if only i could text you this smell
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
