Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
