please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
