I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
