so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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