Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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