Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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