i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
