I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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