I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
