I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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