That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
