My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You smell like stripper and shame
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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