a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
