I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i out mim tonsoeep
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