gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
