This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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