Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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