You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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