Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
