textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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