I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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