Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
