It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am puke
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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