omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
