I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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