I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
