he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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