I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
