walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
