i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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