I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
