I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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