omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
