There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy