"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER