Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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