Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize