Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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