Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
