i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
