Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
