I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
