clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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