Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
