You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
