well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
